No Thank You, but It’s Tempting

Mental torture in

School

Fortune in nothing

Making excuses is some

One who does not

Live, but is living for

Everything

Nonsense is necessary

Because nobody will

Support you when

Superior people

Blame you

And take advantage

Of scolding you for

Their mistakes

I don’t know

What to believe

Or who to

I don’t really care

What I am accused

Of, because it no longer matters

To me

My mother is no longer

My mom

My friends don’t know

Me nor do they want to

Support is extinct

Metaphors are now default

Judgment

Distorted dreams of magical

Moments I have had

In the past

In the past

It all has passed

Fortune cookies are

No longer

Fun to look at

Asking me questions

To make me feel worse

I will never get better

If nothing is

Right

My feet haven’t

Touched the ground

In so long

I don’t even remember

What it feels like

To feel

Amazing that I’m

In a corner

With no boarder

To anything

But my four

Walls, no escape

What I did

Is what I didn’t do

What I didn’t do

Is what I did

Environmentally,

Intelligently,

Physically, and mentally

Unstable

No longer sitting at the

Dining room table

Actions and words

I can no longer

Be compared

Drained

Fill me up

Make me believe

That I’m the one

You wanted

That I’m the one

You need

Tell me that

I’m missed and

Appreciate

That I exist

Lessons I’ve learned

Directions I’ve turned

Too many times I was concerned

You took my arm

You pulled me in

And then for no reason

Pushed me away

Pushed me

Underwater

Till I drained

Now I’m so distorted

So ashamed

Of who you’ve

Made me become

So disturbed

And betrayed

Drained Away (Drained part II )

The clock means

Nothing

Just that I’m fading

Away

You don’t know what

To say

You don’t know

That you have given me

So much pain

To you

I’m just water

That ran

Down the drain

As the sink becomes

Dry

With so much time

Passing us by

I am completely drained as

I

Fade

To

Dry

Hopeless Sight

As the walls are

Closing in

Every action I

Take; tick or thin

Making this life I live

So hopeless and

Forgotten.

People are nothing to

depend on

It gets offensive

Cleansed in

Messes and

Stress is

Leaving me

Defenseless

This intense stress is

Eating away at

My senses

Changing present

To past tense and

I want to vent this

But it seems to keep

Getting dented in

Replacing vents is expensive

I’m twisting in every

Direction

Until I’m bent in

Looking at mirrors to

See no reflection

Dialing your numbers

Again and again and

The numbers are now

Pressed in

Promises cause infection

Becoming neglected

My mind is getting

Compressed and

Sometimes I can’t take

The undeniable tension

Looking in my eyes

I’m dead in them

I’ve survived too many lessons

I now get the message

Making me hate breakfast

Makes my neck itch…

She’s under me

Wearing my necklace

I question why this

Will fade to wreckage

I’m the excess baggage

That grew up in Beverage

Drenched in stemage

Stepping in messes

Making a mends

To keep away the medics

Causing teachers to

Go and renew their lenses

I am now the left over

Leaves that missed

Dispensing

Unknown why it is I am

Still mentioned

Wearing the same clothes

To go to bed in

Repeating the same sentence

“fuck it.” As I roll

over in fear of the

dentist

I look at all the people I’ve

Befriended

Remembering how I

thought they meant it

Wishing they would just go

To repentance

I look through

My room of vengeance

Looking for remnant,

Only finding resin

Taking a long look

At a picture of my sister:

See the resemblance?

But she’s now so far away

I wonder if I’m ever

Mentioned.

And here I am at 11

I’m just a pathetic

Version of my descendants

Rejections leaving me

Breathless…

To keep trying is

a death wish

Wanting to rob banks

and saying "I left rich"

Drinking too much tea

and wondering what lead is

Opening the fridge: no lettuce

Passing out after 57 hits

Questioning my leverage

Foggy, hazy incense mist and

sedatives

Takes me away from all the self

loathing sediment

When It Rains, Go Outside

Lose track of the

Time

You are told to never

Go anywhere when it is

Late and rainy

Who made the dark impossible

To walk in?

Who said dreary nights

Are not acceptable?

Weather patterns

Brainwash your human-nature

Relationship

You are told that

The rain made you

Sick

I only enjoy the night

Because it give me pride

And dignity: freedom from people’s

Chains

When it is late

Everyone is in their own

World, away from reality

When it rains, I go outside

The Motivation to Stay Living

Your brothers can’t

Take your life too:

You deserve to

Shine on

Because you are

Stronger than them

Harms way will

Have to take a detour

While I’ll die for you

To become more

Powerful than I was

One day you will realize

That you are precious

Beyond substantiation

And won’t leave the world you

Have made better

With a bottle of pills

And a pillow

Surrounded

Silence is so loud

And

You

Are dysfunctionality’s

Best friend, and so

You laugh together;

Parallel universes

Judging severity of insanity

Daily stress screams

Into your ears

Louder than fear; can

Anyone else hear?

You are dormant

to support and understanding

You cry until

You get caught;

Never tear in public

You stay away

Until the shift starts

Again: back to work

The clock is

Screaming sarcastic excuses

In my ears: I slept through

Breakfast

Automatic dramatic

Apologies flow

Like the faucet I turn;

Pathetic

Living within fake boundaries

I laugh and smile

At the beautiful girl

That likes to ask me

To make her tea,

She thanks me

Secret agenda:

She’s dating my co-worker

Questionable Reality

I’ll sing you all the sad songs

I’ll break down before i am gone

I’ll say goodbye with pride and love

I’ll think of you as someone i learn from

I’ll write until my hands can't move

I’ll keep trying until my heart is black and blue

Who is out there that cares

Whoever does, you're lying

I do not believe anyone, i no longer am trying

To hear the words of wisdom

Seep out of anyone's mouth

Life isn't fair

"God" or whoever is looking over me

Clearly has shown me

That I do not belong here

Who’s new, who's there to meet

I’m writing so much

I now can not sleep

I wish my words were blood

Maybe they'd stand out

I wish the past 3 years did not happen

Then I’d have nothing to feel bad about

Maybe I’m in a long nightmare

That I can't get out of

Maybe as you're reading this, you skim and basically hear nothing

That I have to say

Because I am worthless

I am shit

I am the exception that everyone will miss

I’m am the gap in the system

The crack in the wall